Parole di Zia Uvetta
le parole sono una rappresentazione imprecisa della vita
Questo/a opera è pubblicato sotto una Licenza Creative Commons.
le parole sono una rappresentazione imprecisa della vita
Questo/a opera è pubblicato sotto una Licenza Creative Commons.
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lunedì, 21 maggio 07 17:25
Incipit
Queste sono le prime righe del mio prossimo libro...
"Non lo voglio sapere. Tanto già lo so. Non che abbia capito esattamente cosa, chi, come, quando, dove. Ma in fondo lo so. Che senso ha andare oltre? Cambierebbe davvero la mia vita, la percezione che ho del mio passato? Non mi interessa sapere. Quel che ho capito e intuito è sufficiente. Anche perché cosa dovrei fare? Andare da loro e chiederglielo guardandoli in faccia? Inimmaginabile. Cos'altro rimane? L'ipnosi. Ecco, sì, l'ipnosi. Una bella seduta, un salto indietro, dimmi quello che vedi, cosa sta succedendo, conto fino a tre e non ricordi più nulla... 1, 2, 3... fatto. Eh, sì perché non vorrei ricordare propriamente le sensazioni, le voci, i gesti. No, quello no. Potrei risvegliarmi, conoscere la verità, accettarla e andare avanti. Ma non è la stessa cosa se accetto la mezza verità che ho ricostruito? E vado avanti. Continuerò ad avere questo tarlo, questa pulcetta dispettosa che ogni tanto mi farà rigirare la notte nel letto. Poi passerà tutto. In fin dei conti ho dimenticato tutto una volta, senza volerlo. Ci riuscirò una seconda desiderandolo, no?" leggi i commenti
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ma io lo so di essere capace, di ricominciare così come di continuare e finire.
il punto è: per me ne vale la pena ora?
Lo vedi che sei capace di ricominciare...? ;OPpPpPp visto che ne ho parlato nel commento precedente ti metto il mio di incipit... Visto l'alto numero di volte che ho stracciato e ricominciato non so dirti se sarà quello definitivo... So soltanto che per ora è così che inizia:
Ho deciso che l’ammazzo e poi mi ammazzo. Oppure l’ammazzo e poi mi ammazzo. Lo faccio morire come un cane. Deve sputare il sangue che m’è uscito la prima volta. Quando urlavo senza voce. Senza che uscisse voce. Quando piangevo asciutta. Deve sputare anche il sangue che non m’è uscito la volta appresso. E le lacrime che non ho pianto. Piangerò dopo averlo visto morto. Piangerò di gioia.
Ho deciso che l’ammazzo e poi mi ammazzo. Oppure l’ammazzo e poi mi ammazzo. Lo faccio morire come un cane. E deve sentire dolore. Dodici anni solo. Tre volte tanto la sua schiena aveva visto. Figlio di puttana. Due volte tanto la mia schiena ha visto prima di rivederlo, prima di rincontrarlo. Lurido figlio di puttana. Un figlio ed una famiglia per bene. Stimato e rispettato. Anche poi, quando per una dodicenne la vita se l’è rovinata. E a me l’ha distrutta.
Che poi la seconda volta non mi hai fatto male. Mi sono lasciata scopare, senza interferire. Lo vuoi figlio di puttana? La vuoi figlio di puttana? E’ qui, tutta per te. Fottimi, sbattimi, odiami come io amo te. Perché io ora ti amo lo sai? E per questo che ti ucciderò dopodomani. Uscirai di nuovo e verrai a cercarmi, perché non puoi più farne a meno, lo so. Non puoi fare a meno di me, ti sei rovinato la vita e sei convinto che ti spetti un risarcimento. A mo’ di risarcimento. Io sono insieme la tua condanna e l’assoluzione, il carnefice ed il salvatore: io sono il maltolto e il tuo risarcimento. Io sono l’acqua santa che ti spedirà all’inferno, ci puoi giurare. Ti guarderò bruciare gonfio d’amore e quando sarai sazio e svuotato attizzerò il fuoco ancora di più. Godrò nel vederti morire, godrò di quel lampo sottile che vedrò nei tuoi occhi, quel lampo di paura. Quel lampo di paura che la prima volta tu hai ignorato. Lo ignorerò. Come non ti sei fermato non mi fermerò.
Poi ovviamente va avanti... Per ora sono " riarrivato " a pagina 7, speriamo sia la volta buona...! (sempre per il discorso che ciò che scrivi difficilmente è come lo immagini, e che, nel tentativo di raggiungere la completa identità fra l'immagine e la creazione finale, troppe volte si straccia e si comincia... Io non m'abbatto... E non farlo nemmeno tu!) D.
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